Creature Features Part 7

Some Grub in the Wood

Mr Buzz-Ard and Mr Tur-Tel

Were lazing around down by the well

When their visitor arrived – who was the very opposite of foul –

No other than the venerable, right-honourable Mr Owl.

“It must be nice to get away from the city’s congestion,”

Said Tur-Tel, “and I have a marvellous suggestion –

Why don’t we ask Nigel to pack us a box full of grub

And we’ll go for a picnic down in the Wood.”

“What a lovely idea!” said Buzz-Ard, and he reached for the bell

That was positioned precariously on the edge of the well.

A few moments later Nigel the lizard appeared,

Dressed in his finery and sporting a beard.

“What’s that thing on your face?” asked Buzz-Ard with a frown.

“A beard, sir,” said the lizard, “they’re all the rage around town –

Everyone’s got one, they’re a popular accessory.

If you’re to be in the in-crowd they’re an absolute necessity.”

“It makes you look old,” Tur-Tel said with a leer,

“But your beard’s not the reason we called you down here.

We’d like you to pack us a box full of grub

So we can go for a picnic down in the wood.”

“Of course, sir,” said Nigel, “I’ll get onto it right now,

And I’ll pack a freshly caught field mouse for Mr Owl.”

“You’re an absolute star,” declared Mr Buzz-Ard,

“And don’t forget to pack my English mustard.”

One hour later the box full of goodies was ready,

And the three friends set off with a pace that was steady.

The sun was shining and the sky was blue

And their hearts were filled with happiness too.

After a bracing walk they arrived at the Wood,

Tur-Tel was worn out and so he said, “Good,

I’m glad we’ve arrived here at long long last

So we can sit on the ground and enjoy our repast.”

“I’m tired and starving and my stomach is rumbling –

Surely you must have heard it gurgling and grumbling.”

“I want my ham sandwiches,” said Mr Buzz-Ard,

“And I want them with plenty of English mustard.”

The food was unpacked from the box on the ground,

But not everything was there as Buzz-Ard soon found.

A terrible shock was in store for Buzz-Ard –

The box did not contain any English mustard!

“I specifically instructed that bearded lizard

To pack my condiment,” moaned Mr Buzz-Ard.

“There’s only one thing for it,” he said with a snort,

“One of us will have to go back to The Court!”

“Well, I’m not going back,” said Mr Tur-Tel.

“Nor I,” said Owl, “count me out as well.”

“In that case,” said Buzz-Ard, after a pause,

“The only fair way is for us to draw straws.”

Three straws were selected and held in Buzz-Ard’s beak,

And Owl and Tur-Tel gave one each a tweak.

Owl was unlucky and said, “I’ll go on this mission,

But only if you abide by this one condition –

I’ll use my weary wings to fly back to the yard,

And retrieve the mustard for Mr Buzz-Ard.

But while I’m gone you’re not allowed to eat a single scrap –

You’re not to touch anything until I’m safely back.”

Buzz-Ard and Tur-Tel agreed to Owl’s request

But only because he was just an amiable guest.

So Owl set off in a light-hearted mood

While Tur-Tel and Buzz-Ard looked at their untouchable food.

An hour went by, followed by another –

“Some tea?” asked Buzz-Ard, “I will be mother.”

“Remember,” said Tur-Tel, “what Owl did dictate –

We’re not to touch anything – we just have to wait.”

So they waited and waited and waited and waited,

And waited and waited and waited and waited,

And waited and waited and waited and waited,

And waited and waited and waited and waited.

And waited and waited and waited and waited,

And waited and waited and waited and waited,

And waited and waited and waited and waited,

And waited and waited and waited and waited.

“It’s been a day now since Owl departed this Wood,”

Said Buzz-Ard, “and I’ve had it! I’m eating this grub!”

“We said we’d wait,” said Tur-Tel to Buzz-Ard,

Who replied, “I don’t care! I’ll live without the mustard!”

And then, as if by magic, Owl appeared

And his two friends leapt up and joyfully cheered.

But as Owl slowly approached, Tur-Tel and Buzz-Ard

Noticed the absence of English mustard.

Tur-Tel let out a gasp and cried, “Where have you been?

It’s been a whole day since last you were seen.”

“More to the point,” said Mr Buzz-Ard,

“Where on earth is the English mustard?”

“Don’t give me that,” said Owl, “you miserable swine.

For one whole day I’ve been hearing you whine!

I’ve been hiding behind a tree, just there in the Wood,

To test you – to see if you would begin eating that grub.

Willpower, it seems, is not in your dictionary,

So don’t try and mime it when you next play Pictionary.

You are selfish Tur-Tel, as are you Buzz-Ard,

And you can go back yourself for your English mustard!”

Owl could have stayed at The Court, but he thought instead,

There was a party later today being hosted by Ned.

His visit to Buzz-Ard and Tur-Tel had turned sour,

So he left in his car with its twenty horse-power!

Next week: Mumbo Jumbo